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You are here: Home / Pain / Why Love?

Why Love?

This was written for a friend I lost this year. She will probably never read this post but as it was formulating in my mind I felt the Lord showing me this wasn’t just for her. I know we’re not the only ones, I know there are other broken hearts and broken friendships out there—this post is for all of us.

I also feel like this post carries spiritual power and in some way—that only the Lord knows—will help bind the enemy in the spirit. Exposing his schemes and his darkness always shines light on his ugly plans, which helps take away his power. If there’s one thing I want to do in this life it’s to take as much power away from the enemy as I possibly can so that people can see who God really is, and how much He truly loves them.

So here we go… To my friend who will probably never read this.

It didn’t have to be this way.

As I’ve thought about this for the last few months I feel like my heart breaks more and more, rather than beginning to heal. As I was thinking about our situation today I was reminded of my high school boyfriend, the guy I thought I’d be with forever. We graduated high school together, went to the same college, it was perfect, and then our relationship began to fall apart. Months after we broke up I was talking with his mom and she said something to me I’ll never forget, she said, “You could never see how much he really actually loved you.” And she was right, I couldn’t, and I didn’t, for years. I couldn’t see how much he loved me because I was blinded by the enemy who masked himself behind my insecurity, control, self hatred, and countless other things.

I want to be angry with you because of how you just walked away from years of friendship, but I can’t be. I’m sad, but I’m not mad. I want to be mad but instead my heart is broken. My heart is sad because you’ve been lied to, you’re being lied to. John 10:10 says, “A thief has only one thing in mind—he wants to steal, slaughter, and destroy.”

And that is what the enemy is doing, he’s stealing your joy, he’s stealing our family, he’s stealing everything we’ve built and he’s replacing them with lies. He doesn’t just want to steal away what we had, he actually wants to “slaughter” the memories so there’s no joy left to look back on.

But that is not God’s plan. God gave us the incredible gift of friendship and family that we’ve had for so many years. He gave us the love and the encouragement we’ve shared together for so long, because John 10:10 also says God’s plan is this, “I have come to give you everything in abundance, more than you expect—life in its fullness until you overflow!”

“Life in it’s fullness until [we] overflow!” But that’s not what we’re both feeling. I don’t know what you’re feeling—all I know are some of the things you’re saying about me behind my back—but I know I’m not overflowing with life. I’m overflowing with sadness. A sadness and a brokenness so deep it feels like I’m actually mourning the death of my very own sister.

And this sadness makes me angry, not at you, but at the enemy! I’ve actually been asking the Lord to give me a way to take the power of the lies, the enemy is using against me, away from him. Not because I care about my reputation, but because I care about you. I hate that the enemy is lying to you and he’s using me as the ammo! It’s not a power I gave him permission to use and I want to know how to take it away from him!

I understand you don’t want to be my friend anymore, I’m not trying to fight to get you back, I’m fighting because I want you to be free. Don’t get me wrong I would love to be your friend again, someday, but I also love you and don’t want you to have to do anything you don’t want to do, even if that means being friends with me.

And I think this is why my heart hasn’t started to heal yet, because you’re not free, you’re hurting, and that hurts me.

I know you’re mad, and telling people I made you be someone you never wanted to be, but I want you to know that is a lie. More than anything all I’ve ever wanted was for you to know who you were in the Lord. I wanted you to know how to receive a compliment and not give 100 reasons why the compliment wasn’t true. I wanted you to really believe the beautiful things everyone says about you because you really, truly are a beautiful person. I wanted you to believe in yourself the way I did and stand up for yourself when you were wronged, which is why I fought for you so many times.

And now the enemy is taking all of those things and telling you my intentions were the opposite of what they really were. He is stealing the truth and replacing it with a more convenient truth that validates your reasons for not wanting to be around me. It breaks my heart because I feel like it’s as if the enemy is taking all the love I ever had toward you and using it against me as ammo, at you.

It really is a brilliant plan.

And it’s breaking my heart. I think it’s breaking both of our hearts.

But it’s not just me and it won’t end with me. He’s a pro, we are not his first victims, and we won’t be the last.

There are so many people in this world whose hearts are breaking and who feel truly alone because the enemy is horrible, he hates us all and he won’t rest until he has completely destroyed us. It will look different for everyone, but in our case he’s going to have a lot of work to do because I’m not done fighting. I’m not giving up.

I refuse to be blinded again and I refuse to believe you never loved me either. I refuse to give up and just let him use me as ammo because Jesus’ final command in John 15:17, was to, “Love one another deeply!”

Love is a funny thing, it sounds like it would be an easy command but this year I’ve learned, from the person who vowed to love me forever, that sometimes love can hurt so badly. Sometime people make poor choices and sometimes your love for that person can physically make your heart hurt because they didn’t love you well.

So why would we want to “love one another deeply” if sometimes love can hurt us more than we ever thought imaginable?

Because God is good.

At the end of the day, no matter how broken our love is, God is love. In His love we find refuge and out of the overflow of His love for us, we are able to love others (1 John 4).

I am a very broken person, I’m a work in progress. I’ve learned a lot the past couple months and I’ve learned that everything you know can be turned upside down in an instant. And in my brokenness I’m learning that I need the Lord more than I thought I did, more than I ever knew I could. And I truly apologize if, in my brokenness, I have hurt you. All I ever wanted to do was love you and all I’ve ever wanted from you is for you to know how deeply Father God loves you. But somewhere along the way I failed you and I’m sorry, truly sorry.

This year I’ve seen, and felt, a lot of brokenness and it hurts my heart. Our world is so broken, so many hearts are broken because the enemy is whispering as loudly as he can trying to turn us against one another, even in—especially in—our most intimate relationships. I know the enemy has come to destroy us but I believe the second part of that verse is more powerful because God IS good and He sent His Son to die for us, because He truly wants us to have “everything in abundance, more than you expect—life in its fullness until you overflow!”

I pray that in your life you will experience the abundance of the Father’s love. I pray His blessings in your life will be so abundant they will blow your mind. I pray you will experience His fullness more than ever before. I pray you will feel His peace in ways you would never expect. I pray the enemy’s screaming whispers will fall on deaf ears and the Lord’s truth about who you are will be the only thing you ever hear. I pray you will know His love and feel Him loving you through the other friends in your life, and from your spouse.

Blessings my friend, I will never stop loving you and I will never stop praying for you because you are worth it, and you deserve to know that someone is always fighting for you, always on your side.

There are so many people in this world whose hearts are breaking and who feel truly alone because the enemy is lying telling us we are unloved. The answer to this loneliness is actually found in love, in God and in friendship. | Faith-Fullness.net
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Comments

  1. Mimi Moseley says

    January 14, 2019 at 8:03 am

    WOW! I will join that pray as well. May Holy Spirit fill her heart with the knowledge of the Father’s love so much that her eyes will be opened to truth.

Meet Anna

Hi, I'm Anna! Wife, mother, child of God, and the founder of Faith|Fullness. The pages of this blog are filled with my journeys of faith and the adventures that saying "yes" to God have taken me on. Read More…

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So proud of our girl! A quick weekend trip to the So proud of our girl! A quick weekend trip to the Reno T&T gymnastics competition, resulted in 2 medals for Malea!! A bronze in Tumble Track and a silver in Double Mini. 
We also discovered Emilia has mad skills at Fuze ball, and she scooped Matt. 🤣 
We are proud parents, Malea now has 2 competitions under her belt, and 4 metals to show for it! 👏🏻 👊🏻👏🏻
#MaleaElizabeth
I never post political stuff but Zelensky's speech I never post political stuff but Zelensky's speech this morning, broke my heart. I don't understand how we are not doing something to help these people out. I know if we had someone bombing our country, we would demand help from others, how can we just sit back and watch this happens. My heart is breaking for President Zelensky and the burden he's carrying right now. If you haven't watched the speech from this morning, please take the time to watch it, it's powerful, and heartbreaking. 

"Today my age stopped when the hearts of more than 100 children stopped beating. I see no sense in life, if it means it cannot stop the deaths." - Zelensky
Day 8 - Our last day. 😢 After packing we headed Day 8 - Our last day. 😢 After packing we headed back to Makena beach to take in our last waves, and Malea found some big ones. 
🌊
After a couple hours we said our goodbyes to the waves (and the chickens at the beach) and as we walked away I wondered if it would be another 20 years until I get to be here, and how much life has happened since I had been there last. It really is amazing how time flies. 
🌊
Next we went back into Kihei for lunch, some last minute shopping, and a must-stop, for me, Cones on Kihei, where my cousin worked when we lived here. The smell of the  freshly made cones took me right back, and they still had my favorite flavor!! It was fun to get to share this delicious treat with the girls. 
🌊
Then it was back to the condo to get cleaned up and ready to leave. I am so grateful for our time here, the hours at the beach, the beautiful meals, and watching how much the girls loved so many of the things I love about this island. I hope we get to come back but even if we don’t, my heart is full and I am thankful I got to return and relive/revisit so many things from, what feels like, a lifetime ago. Goodbye Maui! 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 7 - Our last full day was probably one of my f Day 7 - Our last full day was probably one of my favorites with a hike out in the lava fields, then snorkeling with Malea, and views of some bright yellow fish before we left. 
🐠
Then we headed into town and had the best sandwiches at @808deli. After lunch the girls were exhausted so we dropped them off and Matt and I walked the beach path in Wailea. We saw lots of whales jumping and even some turtles in the reef. We walked the beach and took in all the beautiful views of this wonderful island. 
🌊 
Next we picked up the girls and headed to Makena beach for some more beach time. The girls played in the waves until we had to pull them from them, so we could go get ready for our luau. 
🌊
We hit the road to Lahaina and headed to the @oldlahainaluau. This was such a good luau, ran like a well oiled machine with stellar service and beautiful dancing, sunsets and the best mocktails of the trip (the girls were in Heaven). 
🌊
Trying not to think about leaving tomorrow, but taking in all the stars and crashing waves, while I still can. 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 6 - Lots of birthday celebration! Malea turned Day 6 - Lots of birthday celebration! Malea turned 13 and we celebrated with a little party in the morning, then headed to the waves. 
🥳
We went back to the cove, where the girls surfed for hours and caught lots of waves. Then we had lunch at a beautiful, and delicious food truck park, set in a canopy of trees. 
🥳
Then it was back up the condo for some out of the sun rest time, and then, of course, we finished out the day at Makena beach, where the girls played in the waves until we had to leave to get ready for dinner. 
🥳
We celebrated in Lahaina with ribs, for my rib girl, and then of course, Hula Pie. 😋 
🥳
It was the best way to celebrate our baby girl turning 13, and a birthday I’m sure she will always remember. 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Happy 13th birthday to one of my most favorite peo Happy 13th birthday to one of my most favorite people ever. Malea, since the day you were born you have been such a blessing. You love big, you love unconditionally, you live large and you are an over-comer. 
💜
I have learned so much from you, you make me a better person, and I can’t wait to see what this next year has in store for you! Wuv you baby girl!!! 
#MaleaElizabeth
Day 5 - Started the morning with the girls surfing Day 5 - Started the morning with the girls surfing the cove, where I learned to surf. There were tons of other people there taking lessons but the girls had a blast, and caught tons of waves. Malea is officially hooked on surfing. Yay!! 🏄‍♀️ 
🌊
After hours of surfing we headed back to the house for some down time, and then back to Makena Beach to close out the day playing in the waves, and drinking margaritas to celebrate margarita day. 
🌊
We enjoyed a beautiful sunset, and an incredible meal at Hotel Wailea then headed home and were surprised by fireworks! What a perfect way to spend Malea’s birthday eve. 
🌊
Matt and I decorated before bed and then I laid in bed thinking about where I was 12 years ago and how the best gift I’ve ever received came at 11:29pm the next evening. 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 4 - Started the day with worship, and our frie Day 4 - Started the day with worship, and our friend’s baptism, at the beach, which was followed by celebration, even by the whales. 
🌊
After the baptisms we picked up surfboards and headed to the waves. It was low tide, so the waves were small, but the girls had a blast and we even got to see more whales.
🌊
Then we headed back to Makena Beach, for some more wave time and found so many chickens! 🐓 8 roosters to be exact ( Malea counted them). 
🌊
Next headed home, and enjoyed wine on the patio, which has been Matt and my afternoon tradition, since we got here. 
🌊
After getting ready for dinner, we did something we used to do, almost every night when we lived here, and watched the sunset from the rock wall, in Kihei across from where we lived. It was so fun getting to experience the magic of the sun setting over the Pacific coast, with my family. 
🌊
After dinner we met up with our friends to talk about the baptism and catch up since we haven’t hung out in awhile. We ended up back at our place, talking late into the night. I am so grateful for how much the Lord has done in all of our lives since we met a few years ago. 
🌊
Tomorrow more surfing and more sun. Maui perfection. 
#MaleaElizabeth @mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer
Day 3 - Started with a 3.4 mile run, with @mmosele Day 3 - Started with a 3.4 mile run, with @mmoseley15, and lots of beautiful views. 
🌊
It was too windy to surf today so instead we headed to Lahaina for lunch (a very messy lunch for my little rib lover) and some shopping.  We scouted out beaches on the way home, and stopped for some fresh fruit at the roadside stand. 
🌊 
Everyone was exhausted but we needed some beach time so we finished up the day with the waves at Wailea beach and another beautiful sunset. 
🌊
Excited because tomorrow we finally surf! 🏄‍♀️ 
#MaleaElizabeth @emilia_boehmer
Day 2- my favorite beach, Makena beach. We used to Day 2- my favorite beach, Makena beach. We used to spend hours, and days here, so it was a dream come true to get to spend hours in the waves and on the beach with Matt and Malea yesterday. It’s as beautiful as I remember it and I was so thankful to be back. 
🌊
After hours of beach time it was a food truck lunch, and time to head into Kihei, my old stomping grounds. We took the girls to the open market where they shopped and shopped, then we ended with shaved ice. 
🌊
The day ended with another beautiful sunset and dinner at MonkeyPod Kitchen, with the best Mai Tais we’ve had and Malea trying to convince Emilia to let her teach her how to cube. 🤣
🌊
Tomorrow we surf. 🤗 🏄‍♀️ 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 1 (yesterday)- A few thankful tears were shed Day 1 (yesterday)- A few thankful tears were shed when I finally got to sit down in my plane seat, and a huge sigh of relief that we were finally on our way. 
🌊 
It has been 19 years since I’ve been to Maui and I expected so many changes, which some of it has, but so much is also the same, including places we worked and a few favorite spots. 
🌊
But the best part was getting to be here with my family—watch the girls disappear to find the pool, and the beach, and the smiles on their faces as the realization sunk in that we were actually here!! 
🌊
Today I am thank for @mmoseley15 bringing me back here, beautiful sunsets, the Maui air, and upcoming beach time with my family! 
#MaleaElizabeth @mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer
Not exactly how I planned to spend my day. 😵‍ Not exactly how I planned to spend my day. 😵‍💫 Thankful for the team at Prestige for sewing the top of my thumb back on. Luckily none of it ended up in the soup. 😬🤣
Saying goodbye (for now), last night, to these bea Saying goodbye (for now), last night, to these beautiful people, was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time. The neighbors who showed up with brownies the first time we met them, who became friends, who quickly turned into family—secondary parents to Matt and I,  and grandparents to Malea. 
💛
I have grieved and cried whenever I think about them leaving, for weeks, because I don’t know what it will be like without them. They have always been there for us, supported us, asked us how we are doing, even on our darkest days, and they have loved us and cheered us on, encouraged us to keep going because it will all be worth it in the end. 
💛
I will never hear the end of how terrible it was we decided to move to Palo Cedro and “abandon them”, but that didn’t discourage them from showing up with homemade birthday goodies and driving “all the way to the other side of the river” to stop by and see what we’ve been up to, and encourage us with how well we are living out our dream here on our farmstead. 
💛
I am honored they chose to spend their last night with us (even though technically we were 2nd choice 😉) but it was exactly what I needed. Bev, of course brought gifts that spoke to our hearts, and we reminisced, laughed and I think everyone cried at some point. 
💛
Dear friends I am excited for your new adventure, I can’t wait to hear where we need to go next, I can’t wait to “visit” Europe through your pictures, but please don’t forget to come home, you will be missed!!! 💛💛💛
We worked hard this weekend. 💪🏻 Our amazing We worked hard this weekend. 💪🏻 Our amazing house church showed up and helped us run all the electrical in the back garage—can lights, outlets, fans, exterior lights, etc! We finished so quickly that one couple decided to stay and help us frame out the storage room. 👏🏻
Today Matt and I added the door and a few other things, so now the room is ready for sheetrock! 👊🏻 A weekend of hard work and it ended with a beautiful sunset. Game room should be done in the next couple of months. 🙌🏻
#weekendwarriors #diy
Such a fun weekend away to Mt. Shasta, to celebrat Such a fun weekend away to Mt. Shasta, to celebrate Matt’s birthday. 
I am thankful for the beautiful place we live, friends who are as ridiculous as we are, amazing food, hilarious games, and most importantly my husband—who is definitely with celebrating. 
@mmoseley15 @kah_rhis_10
So this happened. 🏦 I still can’t even beli So this happened. 
🏦 
I still can’t even believe it. I am so thankful to finally be able to talk about this with people, because I am so proud of Matt! 
🏦 
When I first met Matt he told me his dream was to be the president of a bank someday, and here we are, in 6 months he will be. I am so proud of how hard he has worked to get to this place, never taking the easy way, always taking the strategic path, even if it meant taking less pay, a lower title, or doing the work of multiple people to make sure something got done well. 
🏦 
This is a dream come true, a promise of the Lord fulfilled, and I can’t wait to see what this next season holds for us. 
Congratulations Matt, you deserve this, and thank you Jeff, for paving the way, and being such an incredible boss, leader, and mentor for Matt. 
#FaithandFullness #faithfulness
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