What is Your Role?

In early March, my husband, Matt, had a dream. When he told me the dream I felt it was relevant to what we were dealing with as a family, but I also felt right away this dream was bigger than just us. This is a prophetic dream for what is happening all around us, to every one of us. Before I get into it I want to share the dream with you.

In my dream Anna, Malea and I were at a movie theater. The auditorium was pretty big and full of people. As the movie started, it became apparent the characters were not real people, more like “aliens” trapped inside people’s bodies. I couldn’t tell which were people and which were indwelled by these “aliens” but I knew some were.

Then, a little blond girl about Malea’s age, maybe a couple years younger, appeared on the movie screen. She began barking like a dog but it was so real, if you closed your eyes, you would be convinced it was a dog, not a human. The barking was frightening and then she stuck her hand down her throat and began eating her arm.

At that point, the screen changed and I was in the film, behind the scenes talking to the director. He told me everyone in the film was just playing a part and that he trained them to play the role.

He began to train me too, as he showed me what his strategy was. He put me in a small room and told me the room would be my training room. After spending some time there he took me to a smaller room, and then to an even smaller one. After the rooms he had me lay down in a box, the size of a coffin, and he closed the lid.

I could see the walls and I knew all I had to do was push on the walls of the coffin and I would be able to escape. I did this right before the coffin was put on a set of roller coaster tracks. Then the director showed me the next step for each person was to get dipped in liquid rubber and then skin would be applied so that they looked normal—like people—again.

However, these people were trapped in the rubber suit and could no longer control their actions. At that point, they knew they had in fact been trapped and must be actors in the movie. They could not escape the rubber skin.

Then I became aware that everyone in the film, had been wrapped in the rubber and were no longer free from the rubber suit. (Which was how the director was able to get the girl to bark and eat her arm).

I also became aware of the babies in the film. The babies didn’t have a choice to be groomed by the director, but they, too, were dipped in rubber and wrapped in the skin suit.

The actors in the film had been trained so well by the process, they didn’t know they could rip out of the rubber skin suit and be free at any point.

Once I had this realization, I was back in my seat again, watching the film and the film shut off because of a malfunction in the projector. As we, and everyone else walked out to the lobby, Malea said, “That was a really scary movie.” I agreed and we went to the cashier to request our money back.”

Wow. Every time I read this dream my spirit rises up in anger and sorrow because this is SUCH a clear description of how so many of us live our lives.

You see, the director is Satan. He’s behind the scenes, training us with his lies, trapping our hearts in a web of confusion and an identity that’s a distraction from our true identity. But it’s such a slow process we don’t even see it happening until one day we “bite our own arm off”, swallow a bottle of pills, spiral into a mid-life crisis, up and walk out on our marriage, etc.

Many of you have read the story of my deliverance, and if you haven’t you can read it HERE. For years I was under the influence of the spirit of control. He was the puppet master behind the scenes, making sure when I thought things were going well, depression and an array of other things, would make sure to knock me down again.

Well for the past 4 months Matt and I have been working hard for healing in our marriage and in our own lives. When we think we’ve gone deep enough the Lord highlights something else we need to heal. In the process of all this healing, when things started going well again, I started to break down. I called it “self deconstructing” because as soon as things were going well between us, I started pushing Matt away. It felt ridiculous and crazy but I couldn’t help it, it just kept happening—I was rejecting him before he could reject me again.

So confused and frustrated by this “self deconstructing”, I called my friend who did my deliverance years ago, and told her I needed to meet with her. What the Lord showed me before her and I met, was that I was sabotaging my relationship (now that it was good again) because I was operating out of a spirit of rejection. I “needed” to push Matt away before he could hurt me again, because according to my “belief system” it was only a matter of time. I mean everyone else has rejected me, including Matt, so what would stop him from doing it again? I had to protect myself by rejecting him first.

Even as I write this, or when I say it out loud to tell someone this story, it sounds so crazy, like I’m choosing to “eat my own arm off”! But you see, the Master Manipulator is behind the scenes and he was telling me that because I’ve been rejected over and over again—whether it was family, friends, my husband—that I had to do something. Because with each rejection my brain has been “trained” and this time he had me right where he wanted me, rejecting my own husband, hurting the marriage God has given us to bring life!

When I met with my friend I told her I needed to get rid of the spirit of rejection because I was tired of it manipulating what was going on in my mind and skewing my perception of reality. As we prayed it turned out there were a few other things also participating in the skewing (or screwing) with my mind.

As we prayed and identified the spirits, each one said it had come in when I was either two or three years old. I was practically a baby, being placed in a rejection “training ground”, no wonder it was so easy for me to see the whole world as if it were just waiting to reject me! No wonder the “director” could say, “Deconstruct,” and I would start deconstructing!

You are also being lied to. I don’t know what your story is but I know we all have wounds, we all have stories from childhood, or our adolescent years, that include abandonment/rejection, molestation, abuse, disease, etc. Whether you were the victim or the perpetrator, each of these instances became your training ground. Whether it’s fear, shame, guilt or rejection, you have lived your life with these thoughts/feelings in the back of your mind, controlling what you do, how you react, how you feel, and you aren’t even aware of it.

The training has been done so subtly, you haven’t even known it’s happening. Maybe your story is like mine, you’ve had tons of healing, you have an amazing relationship with the Lord, you’re walking in your giftings, but for whatever reason the Lord waited until now to show me there was another layer of healing I needed, another place I needed to clean out and fill with the Holy Spirit.

The enemy wants to make it feel like getting free of these things is a huge mountain to climb, that it’s nearly impossible, and it might actually kill you to surrender them.

But it’s not.

Those feelings, that lie, is just the director telling you to “bark”. He’s telling you it’s going to be impossible because he doesn’t want you to see that if you just push on the “alien skin” you can break out. You CAN break out, and it’s not going to kill you, I promise!

To get rid of rejection and its band of bandits, all I had to do was identify each of them, then pray and ask them to leave. Then I invited the Holy Spirit in to fill the ground that had been occupied by them. When you read the Bible you never see Jesus wrestling with the demonic, you never see Him say, “That was so hard, I thought it might kill me.” NO!!! Every time Jesus sets someone free, it’s with ease, and you have that SAME power and authority!

Because you are His sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father.’ So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?” Galatians 4:6-9 (NIV)

We have a choice.

We can live with the baggage we’ve been carrying around for years—which isn’t actually baggage, it’s Satan behind the scenes, “training” you to believe, or react the way he wants you to—OR you can get rid of it!

When wisdom wins your heart and revelation breaks in, true pleasure enters your soul. If you choose to follow good counsel, divine design will watch over you and understanding will protect you from making poor choices. It will rescue you from evil in disguise and from those who speak duplicities. For they have left the highway of holiness and walk in the ways of darkness. They take pleasure when evil prospers and thoroughly enjoy a lifestyle of sin. But they’re walking on a path to nowhere, wandering away into deeper deception.”

Proverbs 4:10-15

This might all sound crazy to you, and you might think I’m the one thinking like an “alien” but I promise you, just as clear as Pharaoh’s dream about the famine, in Genesis 41, this dream of Matt’s is a very clear, and very real picture of what is happening behind the scenes to God’s children.

God doesn’t want His children to be under the influence of anything other than His Spirit! He wants you to know you can push out of this box you feel like you’re trapped in.

God wants you to know you can stop acting like everything is always okay, and you can get freedom.

You don’t have to carry the baggage anymore, it was never meant for you to pick it up but at some point the “director” told you to pick it up, so you did, and you’ve been carrying it ever since. It’s time to lay it down; time to get healing.

It’s time to get real and raw before God the Father, who loves you DEEPLY. So deeply my heart feels like it’s going to explode right now because there’s not a better way to type it. I just wish I could lay my hands on each one of you so you could feel the love, feel the freedom that’s waiting for you.

One last story, and then I promise I’ll stop (although I could talk about this topic all day long). Six days after Matt had this dream he also met with my friend and her husband for healing and deliverance. You see, last year the Lord showed him something from his past he was unaware of, a wound so big it had unawarely crept into other parts of his life and he wasn’t going anywhere good. After our marriage was rocked 4 months ago, the Lord started revealing all the layers of this wound and how it was affecting Matt’s entire life—it was his “alien skin”.

But after meeting with our friends he was able to get set free, to break out of his “alien skin”, the acting role he’d been playing for years, and he—just like in the dream—was able to see what was going on, which broke the cycle, and he was able to get up and walk out of the theater. And all he had to do was pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help him clean house.

And now he’s a new man, we both are. Now we are writing a new story, one where the Holy Spirit is directing.

And I want this for every single person in my life, so badly it almost hurts. God wants you to be free, please allow Him to free you.

For the Lord has a hidden storehouse of wisdom made accessible to His Godly lovers. He becomes your personal bodyguard as you follow His ways, protecting and guarding you as you choose what is right. Then you will discover all that is just, proper, and fair, and you will be empowered to make the right decisions as you walk into your destiny.”

Proverbs 2:7-9