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You are here: Home / Faith / Peace out 2018

Peace out 2018

What a year 2018 was, definitely one for the books, but not in a good way. The year started with a difficult move and ended with us putting our marriage back together and trying not to fall apart, and on top of that the year also included everything in between. Loss of long time close friends, fires, living with the in laws, friend’s marriages blowing up, our marriage falling apart, our daughter choosing a path of destruction—the year was the sort of year they write soap operas about.

Never again, I never ever ever want to go back. 2018 will never be one of those years that I look back on fondly and long for “the good ol’ days”, in fact when we were celebrating New Year’s Eve, I may have ended the year with saying “Fuck you 2018!”. I’ve never cursed so much in my entire life, I’ve never cried so much in my entire life, I’ve never been on an emotional roller coaster quite like this, I’ve never felt my heart physically hurt so badly before, on so many levels all at once. I honestly didn’t even know that kind of pain was possible.

But in the pain God was waiting for me.

He was a gentle presence waiting to embrace me and hold my heart as pieces of it kept crumbling and falling through my hands like sand. He was the strength that got me through each day, He was the hope telling me to keep moving forward, He was the pillar of grace that helped me walk through forgiving all those who broke my heart this year. Proverbs 62:11-12 runs through my mind over and over and over again,

God said to me once and for all, ‘All the strength and power you need flows from me!’ And again I heard it clearly said, ‘All the love you need is found in me!’ And the Almighty said, ‘the greater your passion for more, the greater reward I will give you!’”

These verses became my anthem, my strength, and verses like Psalm 62:8 became my lifeline.

Trust only in God every moment! Tell Him all your troubles and pour out your heart-longings to Him. Believe me when I tell you—He will help you!”

And he did. He did help me. With each verse I read, with each word He spoke to me, with each revelation He gave me, with each worship song I proclaimed, He renewed my strength. Slowly He rebuilt my heart. Each day we worked on putting back together the pieces that had been shattered. We are still working on it, and there are a lot of pieces that still need healing, but it’s a journey we are walking together. There are still so many painful things, that I have no control over their outcomes, but I’m learning to trust the Lord all over again.

But this time the trust goes deeper than it has ever gone. The trust is stronger than it has ever been because without God nothing is possible. My trust is stronger because I’ve seen Him show up in the last few months, in ways I’ve never seen Him. If I was forced to say that any good came out of 2018, it would be that God showed up. He showed up in the brokenness, He showed up in the pain, He showed up and He never left, He never abandoned me. At times He has been the friend I needed Him to be, at times I have actually felt the Holy Spirit holding me and being my comforter, every day He has been my truth teller—reminding me of the truth when the lies are screaming in my head, He has been my counselor—counseling me through impossible things, and ever day He has been my strength—giving me strength to take the next step, giving me courage to keep moving forward.

What pleasure fills those who live every day in your temple, enjoying you as they worship in your presence! How enriched are they who find their strength in the Lord; within their hearts are the highways of holiness! Even when their path winds through the dark valley of tears, they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain. He gives to them a brook of blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring. They grow stronger and stronger with every step forward until they find all their strength in you, and the God of all gods will appear before them in Zion.” Psalm 84:4-7 (tPt)

I have read this verse so many times I swore I was going to burn a whole through the page. I need to find my strength in the Lord, it is the only way, and I hold onto the promise that because I continue to find my strength in Him my circumstances will improve and I will reap the benefit of “enrichment“. But my favorite is this, “they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain”, I was—and am—determined to dig deeper and deeper in to the Lord’s presence to find a “pleasant pool” —His peace, fulfillment in Him—I refuse to give into the pain, to be angry, to blame God. I will not give in, I will not give up, I will find Him instead of focusing on the pain.

And I believe I will receive a “blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring”. My hope, my desire, is that 2019 will be the beginning of that outpouring. I don’t know what it will look like, I have no expectation for what God will do, I just crave it. I am expectant without restrictions, I am hopeful without obligation, I am waiting and I am hungry for more.

I am hesitant as I open the door to 2019 and walk into it, because 2018 was so incredibly painful, but I am ready. One foot in front of the other, slowly I will face each day and bind the fear that’s trying so hard to grip my heart and my mind. Instead I will choose each day to “grow stronger and stronger with every step forward until [I] find all [my] strength in [Him].”

2019, I’m ready for you… I think… Lord I need you.

In the most painful year of my life I found my strength in the Lord. He says He will never leave us, and it's true, He's there in the pain and He's restoring hope and joy. | Faith-Fullness.net
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Filed Under: Faith, Pain 6 Comments

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Comments

  1. Daphne says

    January 3, 2019 at 10:57 am

    Thank you for your vulnerability Anna. I definitely needed to read this this morning. I have so much learning into the Lord to do this year. Last year was a crap shoot for me too!

    Reply
    • Anna says

      January 3, 2019 at 12:07 pm

      I’m so sorry Daphne. I know it was a hard year for a lot of people, which is one of the reasons I felt lead to share this post. Praying for a better year for everyone this year but definitely leaning into the Lord will help (at least your perspective, or at least it did for me). 🙂

      Reply
  2. Jaxty50 says

    January 3, 2019 at 11:59 am

    You don’t know me but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your honesty. I am praying for 2019 to be a better year. Keep holding on!

    Reply
    • Anna says

      January 3, 2019 at 12:05 pm

      Thank you so much! 🙂

      Reply
      • Jim Bailey says

        January 9, 2019 at 11:50 am

        Yes yes yes and YES!
        Peace out 2018! I echo your thoughts and prayers.
        Thanks for eloquently sharing and even giving words to some of the thoughts and feelings that I have!
        Jim

      • Anna says

        January 13, 2019 at 9:18 pm

        Thank you Jim. I just saw this. Thank you for reading it, supporting my writing and for even giving me a shout out this morning. I’m so thankful for you and Amy.

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Meet Anna

Hi, I'm Anna! Wife, mother, child of God, and the founder of Faith|Fullness. The pages of this blog are filled with my journeys of faith and the adventures that saying "yes" to God have taken me on. Read More…

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Meet Anna

Hi, I'm Anna! Wife, mother, child of God, and the founder of Faith|Fullness. The pages of this blog are filled with my journeys of faith and the adventures that saying "yes" to God have taken me on. Read More…

Find me on Instagram – @anna_m_moseley

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anna_m_moseley
So proud of our girl! A quick weekend trip to the So proud of our girl! A quick weekend trip to the Reno T&T gymnastics competition, resulted in 2 medals for Malea!! A bronze in Tumble Track and a silver in Double Mini. 
We also discovered Emilia has mad skills at Fuze ball, and she scooped Matt. 🤣 
We are proud parents, Malea now has 2 competitions under her belt, and 4 metals to show for it! 👏🏻 👊🏻👏🏻
#MaleaElizabeth
I never post political stuff but Zelensky's speech I never post political stuff but Zelensky's speech this morning, broke my heart. I don't understand how we are not doing something to help these people out. I know if we had someone bombing our country, we would demand help from others, how can we just sit back and watch this happens. My heart is breaking for President Zelensky and the burden he's carrying right now. If you haven't watched the speech from this morning, please take the time to watch it, it's powerful, and heartbreaking. 

"Today my age stopped when the hearts of more than 100 children stopped beating. I see no sense in life, if it means it cannot stop the deaths." - Zelensky
Day 8 - Our last day. 😢 After packing we headed Day 8 - Our last day. 😢 After packing we headed back to Makena beach to take in our last waves, and Malea found some big ones. 
🌊
After a couple hours we said our goodbyes to the waves (and the chickens at the beach) and as we walked away I wondered if it would be another 20 years until I get to be here, and how much life has happened since I had been there last. It really is amazing how time flies. 
🌊
Next we went back into Kihei for lunch, some last minute shopping, and a must-stop, for me, Cones on Kihei, where my cousin worked when we lived here. The smell of the  freshly made cones took me right back, and they still had my favorite flavor!! It was fun to get to share this delicious treat with the girls. 
🌊
Then it was back to the condo to get cleaned up and ready to leave. I am so grateful for our time here, the hours at the beach, the beautiful meals, and watching how much the girls loved so many of the things I love about this island. I hope we get to come back but even if we don’t, my heart is full and I am thankful I got to return and relive/revisit so many things from, what feels like, a lifetime ago. Goodbye Maui! 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 7 - Our last full day was probably one of my f Day 7 - Our last full day was probably one of my favorites with a hike out in the lava fields, then snorkeling with Malea, and views of some bright yellow fish before we left. 
🐠
Then we headed into town and had the best sandwiches at @808deli. After lunch the girls were exhausted so we dropped them off and Matt and I walked the beach path in Wailea. We saw lots of whales jumping and even some turtles in the reef. We walked the beach and took in all the beautiful views of this wonderful island. 
🌊 
Next we picked up the girls and headed to Makena beach for some more beach time. The girls played in the waves until we had to pull them from them, so we could go get ready for our luau. 
🌊
We hit the road to Lahaina and headed to the @oldlahainaluau. This was such a good luau, ran like a well oiled machine with stellar service and beautiful dancing, sunsets and the best mocktails of the trip (the girls were in Heaven). 
🌊
Trying not to think about leaving tomorrow, but taking in all the stars and crashing waves, while I still can. 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 6 - Lots of birthday celebration! Malea turned Day 6 - Lots of birthday celebration! Malea turned 13 and we celebrated with a little party in the morning, then headed to the waves. 
🥳
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🥳
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🥳
We celebrated in Lahaina with ribs, for my rib girl, and then of course, Hula Pie. 😋 
🥳
It was the best way to celebrate our baby girl turning 13, and a birthday I’m sure she will always remember. 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Happy 13th birthday to one of my most favorite peo Happy 13th birthday to one of my most favorite people ever. Malea, since the day you were born you have been such a blessing. You love big, you love unconditionally, you live large and you are an over-comer. 
💜
I have learned so much from you, you make me a better person, and I can’t wait to see what this next year has in store for you! Wuv you baby girl!!! 
#MaleaElizabeth
Day 5 - Started the morning with the girls surfing Day 5 - Started the morning with the girls surfing the cove, where I learned to surf. There were tons of other people there taking lessons but the girls had a blast, and caught tons of waves. Malea is officially hooked on surfing. Yay!! 🏄‍♀️ 
🌊
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🌊
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🌊
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@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 4 - Started the day with worship, and our frie Day 4 - Started the day with worship, and our friend’s baptism, at the beach, which was followed by celebration, even by the whales. 
🌊
After the baptisms we picked up surfboards and headed to the waves. It was low tide, so the waves were small, but the girls had a blast and we even got to see more whales.
🌊
Then we headed back to Makena Beach, for some more wave time and found so many chickens! 🐓 8 roosters to be exact ( Malea counted them). 
🌊
Next headed home, and enjoyed wine on the patio, which has been Matt and my afternoon tradition, since we got here. 
🌊
After getting ready for dinner, we did something we used to do, almost every night when we lived here, and watched the sunset from the rock wall, in Kihei across from where we lived. It was so fun getting to experience the magic of the sun setting over the Pacific coast, with my family. 
🌊
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#MaleaElizabeth @mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer
Day 3 - Started with a 3.4 mile run, with @mmosele Day 3 - Started with a 3.4 mile run, with @mmoseley15, and lots of beautiful views. 
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It was too windy to surf today so instead we headed to Lahaina for lunch (a very messy lunch for my little rib lover) and some shopping.  We scouted out beaches on the way home, and stopped for some fresh fruit at the roadside stand. 
🌊 
Everyone was exhausted but we needed some beach time so we finished up the day with the waves at Wailea beach and another beautiful sunset. 
🌊
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#MaleaElizabeth @emilia_boehmer
Day 2- my favorite beach, Makena beach. We used to Day 2- my favorite beach, Makena beach. We used to spend hours, and days here, so it was a dream come true to get to spend hours in the waves and on the beach with Matt and Malea yesterday. It’s as beautiful as I remember it and I was so thankful to be back. 
🌊
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🌊
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🌊
Tomorrow we surf. 🤗 🏄‍♀️ 
@mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer #MaleaElizabeth
Day 1 (yesterday)- A few thankful tears were shed Day 1 (yesterday)- A few thankful tears were shed when I finally got to sit down in my plane seat, and a huge sigh of relief that we were finally on our way. 
🌊 
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🌊
But the best part was getting to be here with my family—watch the girls disappear to find the pool, and the beach, and the smiles on their faces as the realization sunk in that we were actually here!! 
🌊
Today I am thank for @mmoseley15 bringing me back here, beautiful sunsets, the Maui air, and upcoming beach time with my family! 
#MaleaElizabeth @mmoseley15 @emilia_boehmer
Not exactly how I planned to spend my day. 😵‍ Not exactly how I planned to spend my day. 😵‍💫 Thankful for the team at Prestige for sewing the top of my thumb back on. Luckily none of it ended up in the soup. 😬🤣
Saying goodbye (for now), last night, to these bea Saying goodbye (for now), last night, to these beautiful people, was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time. The neighbors who showed up with brownies the first time we met them, who became friends, who quickly turned into family—secondary parents to Matt and I,  and grandparents to Malea. 
💛
I have grieved and cried whenever I think about them leaving, for weeks, because I don’t know what it will be like without them. They have always been there for us, supported us, asked us how we are doing, even on our darkest days, and they have loved us and cheered us on, encouraged us to keep going because it will all be worth it in the end. 
💛
I will never hear the end of how terrible it was we decided to move to Palo Cedro and “abandon them”, but that didn’t discourage them from showing up with homemade birthday goodies and driving “all the way to the other side of the river” to stop by and see what we’ve been up to, and encourage us with how well we are living out our dream here on our farmstead. 
💛
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💛
Dear friends I am excited for your new adventure, I can’t wait to hear where we need to go next, I can’t wait to “visit” Europe through your pictures, but please don’t forget to come home, you will be missed!!! 💛💛💛
We worked hard this weekend. 💪🏻 Our amazing We worked hard this weekend. 💪🏻 Our amazing house church showed up and helped us run all the electrical in the back garage—can lights, outlets, fans, exterior lights, etc! We finished so quickly that one couple decided to stay and help us frame out the storage room. 👏🏻
Today Matt and I added the door and a few other things, so now the room is ready for sheetrock! 👊🏻 A weekend of hard work and it ended with a beautiful sunset. Game room should be done in the next couple of months. 🙌🏻
#weekendwarriors #diy
Such a fun weekend away to Mt. Shasta, to celebrat Such a fun weekend away to Mt. Shasta, to celebrate Matt’s birthday. 
I am thankful for the beautiful place we live, friends who are as ridiculous as we are, amazing food, hilarious games, and most importantly my husband—who is definitely with celebrating. 
@mmoseley15 @kah_rhis_10
So this happened. 🏦 I still can’t even beli So this happened. 
🏦 
I still can’t even believe it. I am so thankful to finally be able to talk about this with people, because I am so proud of Matt! 
🏦 
When I first met Matt he told me his dream was to be the president of a bank someday, and here we are, in 6 months he will be. I am so proud of how hard he has worked to get to this place, never taking the easy way, always taking the strategic path, even if it meant taking less pay, a lower title, or doing the work of multiple people to make sure something got done well. 
🏦 
This is a dream come true, a promise of the Lord fulfilled, and I can’t wait to see what this next season holds for us. 
Congratulations Matt, you deserve this, and thank you Jeff, for paving the way, and being such an incredible boss, leader, and mentor for Matt. 
#FaithandFullness #faithfulness
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